Speaking Each Other's Love Language

About 4 months ago, Ken and I spent an evening going over the general ideas behind the book called "The 5 Love Languages". Ken and I have an excellent marriage, but everyone around us had spoken so highly of this book that it peaked our curiousity. For anyone remotely interested in improving their marriage, I highly recommend it.

However, if you want the cliff notes version, I suggest that you and your husband do one thing mentioned in the book. One thing that will radically change your lives. Take time one evening to make a mental or written list of up to five things your spouse could do that would help you to feel more loved. Be open. Be honest. No answer is stupid. You may be surprised at just how easy it is to give.

For Ken and I, we both had a really short list. Neither of us could even think of 5 things. We both ended up with about 3 things, that would really make a difference in our daily lives. We've been working on those items now for about 4 months, and it has been wonderful.

Here was an example of one of my three:

Groceries: When I would come home from an hour of shopping for groceries, Ken was already helpful in assisting me unload them from the car. However, if I also received help from him in putting everything away in the cupboards and fridge, that would be a huge demonstration of love to me.

Incidentally, Ken has taken this above and beyond my request:

Months ago, shortly after we made this list, I had come home from a very late night of AWANA with the kids and grocery shopping. I was pregnant, exhausted, and looking forward to help with the groceries and bedtime routine. When I pulled in the drive I realized that Ken was gone. There was a message on the answering machine. It was Ken apologizing profusely that he couldn't be there to "speak my love language" but had to run out for a late night business task. As exhausted and disappointed as I was, knowing he had taken the time to call and recognize that putting away groceries was important to me, softened the blow.

Last week he grocery shopped FOR me in secret after a full day of meetings and traffic. I had planned on grocery shopping that evening. That gesture of love, was almost enough to make me cry. It was exactly what I needed at the time, and I felt incredibly loved.

Here was one of Ken's:

Food: Ken works from home, but tends to head straight to the basement office in the morning. Running two businesses, he stays quite busy, sometimes skipping breakfast and lunch and getting cranky and tired as a result. His request was that I would be improving his day considerably if I provided him with something for breakfast and dinner and brought it down to him.

Just to see the smile on his face, and hearing his sly, "For Me? Alright!" when I bring him a meal is worth it. :)

Both of these requests are very easy to meet. At the same time, by simply doing them, they make a huge difference in our day. Take the challenge with your spouse. You both will have much to gain from the exercise!